The Importance of Trust in any Relationship!

The Importance of Trust in any Relationship!

I have been reading my book of the month and I have been so excited to learn new things in this book that I decided to share with you my thoughts so far with this book and once I finish I will give you some more afterthoughts about the book.

The book I am presently reading is called “TRUST WORKS” by Ken Blanchard.  From the point of view of a Licensed Professional Counselor I began reading the strategies and began to see on how the strategies given in the book can actually help my patients and people within my environment create healthier relationships.

I asked myself What is Trust?

noun: trust

1.firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. "relations have to be built on trust"

https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=definition+of+trust

What are the fundamentals of a healthy relationship

1.     Love

2.     Trust

3.     Communication

Then looking further, how can someone communicate with another person without trust. What would happen to the love of someone without the foundation of trust.

So far the strategies I was able to gain is the following:

·      A-Able- Do positive behaviors that will help the person whom you want to gain the trust with.

·      B-Believable- Do positive behaviors that is believed to be by the person who needs to gain your trust. Each person’s mind is their own world, therefore just because you do something positive does not mean that the other person will see that positive deed as something good to gain trust.

·      C-Connectedness- Try to understand the person’s point of view and where they come from. You don’t have to agree with their point of view. Just understand who they are with what they believe in. If you understand their belief’s they will begin to connect with you and gain some trust.

·      D-Dependability- This is where when the going gets tough, you are there to help the other person. You are physically, emotionally, spiritually there for the person to where they can depend on you to help them in a positive manner.

The final ingredient to bring everything together is patience. Nothing great was created in one day. Keep doing those 4 strategies and you will be able to have an awesome healthy relationship just by being consistent with your behaviors.

Have you tried any other strategies to help you gain the trust of someone to create a better relationship? How did it work out?

        

Email: anita@pacc-tx.com

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"What If" and "What Is"

What if I were to win a million Dollars :-). What if I could have lost 30lbs! There are so many what if variables and factors when taking someone's situation into consideration. But at the end of the day what matters most is " What Is In Front Of You" and "What is Happening and work with what you have" 

1. Learning from the past is the only thing we can do to make a difference in the present and future.
2. Making the necessary Behavioral changes, no matter how small will change everything around you. 
3. Being Consistent with your Values will help you become free and happy no matter the situation you have encountered, finding solutions consistently with your values will enable better solutions.

Think back to whenever you focused on the What If's instead of What has happened to you. What ended up happening. What did you do to get yourself out of it?

  

Email: anita@pacc-tx.com
Website: www.pacc-tx.com
Online Counseling: www.positiveawakeningsonline.com
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To Be Wise or To Be Smart?

To Be Wise or To Be Smart?

I often wondered what the difference was in reference to being smart and being wise. I mean isn't it the same thing. Well this is what I found: 

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wisdom

Simple Definition of wisdom

• : knowledge that is gained by having many experiences in life
• : the natural ability to understand things that most other people cannot understand
• : knowledge of what is proper or reasonable : good sense or judgment

Simple Definition of education

·       : the action or process of teaching someone especially in a school, college, or university

·       : the knowledge, skill, and understanding that you get from attending a school, college, or university

·       : a field of study that deals with the methods and problems of teaching

Simple Definition of ignorance

• : a lack of knowledge, understanding, or education : the state of being ignorant

 

     

     So a wise person knows what to do in most situations, while a smart person knows what to do in situations where few others could.

I often wondered on how it was possible that some people who strived to attain so much education could simply be oblivious with the fact that they still lack the wisdom to just “GET IT!”

When I mean the word “Get It” I refer to simple concepts of life situations and on how to solve them. Some people can refer to it as common sense. I hear many friends tell me, “after all it’s common sense.” But the question then lies, Is it? Is it just common sense or is it something deeper such as wisdom.

         I then reflect on past relationships/connections I have had with people in the past. Some that were so smart, some would say a “know it all” and yet I never saw them as smart. I often noticed something lacking. That’s when I realized that the “common sense” is something I guess I would call Wisdom.

         To have some success a person needs to have a wholesome sense of wisdom together with education.

         After researching the concepts of wisdom, I came to realize that it is the life’s experiences that help enable a person’s wisdom. Therefore, when life hands out problems and the manner in which the person handles them will help them become more strengthened in the concept of being wiser. Some strategies I have used to help with this is to consult with people who have the education and the wisdom to guide me with my own personal issues.

         Many wise people in the past have also consulted with wise counsel themselves to help with overcoming issues. Such as King Arthur of Camelot and the Knights of the Round Table.

The point I wanted to make after finding out the difference is, someone with more education makes them knowledgeable just in that specific subject, which in turn doesn’t necessarily make them wise.   

What do you think?

  

Email: anita@pacc-tx.com
Website: www.pacc-tx.com
Online Counseling: www.positiveawakeningsonline.com
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The Power of Sacrifice

The Power of Sacrifice

I don’t know if it is because Easter is just around the corner. But I have lately been thinking about the meaning of sacrifice. I look online and I find that it means.

·      A sacrifice is a loss or something you give up, usually for the sake of a better cause. Parents sacrifice time and sleep to take care of their children, while kids might sacrifice TV time to hang out with mom and dad.

https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/sacrifice

When I drop off my child at school, I notice all the parents or family members dropping off their loved ones and wishing them a good day with a hug or a kiss or a pat. I see that no matter the difference in values or opinions one may have. Each one has one thing in common. They sacrifice themselves for the better cause of their children. Some parents may sacrifice in their looks by showing up without make-up just to make it on time to drop off their child to school. Well at least I do J. 

            Sacrifice is what makes whatever you believe in worthwhile and living for. That is what helps shape meaning and purpose to someone’s existence. After all if there was no sacrifice then what feelings would there be left with.

            So I guess I tell myself, that by having my children, I have sacrificed my leisure time, physical appearance, money and so much more. But in the end it has made my values of responsibility, respect, and family have meaning and purpose.

So think back to what you have sacrificed and on how that has shaped your values of what you believe in and on how that has brought purpose to what you do.

What do you think? Has that helped you in any way?

  

Email: anita@pacc-tx.com 

Website: www.pacc-tx.com 

Online Counseling: www.positiveawakeningsonline.com
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Anita Sandoval MA, LPC-S

How I learned to be Humble and Serve Others at the Same Time

How I learned to be Humble and Serve Others at the Same Time

While I went for a jog yesterday, I was doing my usual bit of learning  by listening to an audiobook by Dave Ramsey “Entreleadership, when there was a part where he mentioned the conflict of being a good marketer and being humble.  I then thought to myself, well bragging about myself or business to advertise about it would be the opposite of humbleness then how will my business thrive.

            After some more jogging and allowing myself tolisten to Mr. Ramsey talk on how to do the two I then understood. Marketing is where I can promote my products or services not to brag about myself but to help serve the community for the greater good. In order to serve people and help them find their own sense of peace and happiness, they would need information on how to do so. Then it would be in their best interest to have them be aware of the products and services that are available to help people reach their best potential no matter the circumstances.

            Sometimes I just have to literally look at the definition of each word and visualize it into my behaviors to see the end result of what I am doing and how I am sending the message across to others. I will be the first to tell you that I am fallible and don’t know everything. However, one thing I try to do is research, learn, and consult so that I can better assist the people who come to me with a problem.

           

Humbleness:

An admirable quality that not many people possess. It means that a person may have accomplished alot, or be alot but doesn't feel it is necessary to advertise or brag about it.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=humble

Marketing:

the action or business of promoting and selling products or services, including market research and advertising.

https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=definition+of+marketing

 

  

Email: anita@pacc-tx.com 

Website:www.pacc-tx.com 

Online Counseling: www.positiveawakeningsonline.com
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Frustration Vs. Impatience

Frustration Vs. Impatience

 

Does it every happen where you work and focus and try your best and the results just doesn’t seem to match those efforts. It’s kind of like a diet, where you eat healthy and exercise and when you look at those numbers on the scale, well those numbers just doesn’t make sense. The feelings of FRUSTRATION kick in for me!

I type in frustration on Google and this is what I get: the prevention of the progress, success, or fulfillment of something.

Yep, sounds about right to me. It’s easy to get caught up on these moments, but what makes it difficult is when people, stay in those negative feelings too much and allow it to define them. I wasn’t about to allow my feelings to overcome my thoughts, and that is when I then realized. I guess the true feeling underneath the frustrations was that I am learning on how to be patient.          

I then typed in impatience on Google and this is what I got: not patient; not accepting delay, opposition, pain, etc., with calm or patience.

Yes, that sounded better. I just have not mastered the art of being patient. In a noisy type of society where everything is convenient, fast-paced and gotta have it now. It’s hard to develop the skill of patience.

Nonetheless, I breathe, go back to my goals, strategies, and analyze the way I have been executing them and then evaluate its results with a skill of patience in mind. I am aware that if I include time and patience in those latter components, everything will fall into place. 

  

Email: anita@pacc-tx.com 

Website: www.pacc-tx.com 

Online Counseling: www.positiveawakeningsonline.com
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Anita Sandoval MA, LPC-S

An Eye For An Eye! OR Being the Bigger Person!

Throughout my years I have encountered many positive people in my life and I am grateful for them. However I have also encountered the not so great people. It is through them that I have also become a greater person. 

I must admit that in the earlier years when I was belittled, put down, judged, victimized, and bullied, I would be told by people to ignore it and be the bigger person.  I would tell them “What! That doesn’t make sense! How can I be the bigger better person when I allowed my rights to be violated!” and then I would take it out back to that person who was disrespectful to me in different passive ways.  Sort of the whole eye for an eye ordeal. They were mean to me, so I would ignore them, I would not talk to them. I would be hostile or give an attitude, to make it known that if  he/she was rude then I would be just as well and give it back to them just  the same.

The meaning of the principle Eye for an Eye is that a person who has been injured by another person returns the offending action to the originator in compensation, or that an authority does so on behalf of the injured person.

Mathew 5:38, Exodus 21:24

After some time I realized nothing good came out of it and it was just a vicious cycle of hurt and whether it was me one time and then the other person the next, it was always never ending! I also became aware that taking out all blame, excuses, justification and looking at the behavior itself  "An Eye For An Eye" as people would call it! I was being just like them! So I didn't want that anymore! I wanted to be me and not like them!

             

Then I realized the Golden Rule, Treat others on how you want to be treated. Also of course several books later on boundaries and emotional management and effective communication skills I realized that being the bigger better person was a concept I had misunderstood. Being the bigger better person was not ignoring or allowing your rights to be validated, but rather speaking up to your rights in a way that was respectful not only to you but also to others. It also meant that I couldn’t change people and that they can be who they want to be, that is fine I accept it. But that also means I don’t have to tolerate them. So now for me being the bigger person was when I was being bullying I would right then and there call out the behavior and make it known I didn’t like it and that was my opinion and needed to be respected and if it wasn’t then I would choose another place to be and not go back to a place that wasn’t respectful towards my beliefs and opinions.

            Basically I would be around people who would treat me that way I would treat others and that means that if I didn’t like the person, which by the way I am human and there are people that have different values and opinions from which I don’t agree with! That just means that I respect them for who they are and therefore, I just say hi, and bye, and nice to meet you but they remain respected and outside of my close boundaries due to the difference of values and opinions.  It’s hard to speak out and be assertive; I work with it as a daily basis. But I realized that I would actually be hurting myself more and others by being passive.

"Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets. Mathew 7:12

 

Do you find it difficult to be respectful or nice to someone that you don’t like?

  

Email: brokenchains@pacc-tx.com 

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