Wednesday, January 10, 2018

3 Tips in Having Difficult Conversations

Lately I have been having to help alot more people in the art of having difficult conversations. It's easy to tell the other person: "Just tell them how you feel, what's in your mind" "Just tell them".  There are many reasons on why we think twice before having that conversation we know must be done:
  • Why doesn’t the meaningful conversations get said?
  • What stops you from saying the most important things that you want to say but just can’t?
  1. Fear of retaliation
  2. Self-Doubt: on realizing if it was the right thing to do
  3. Fear of making things worse
  4. Uncertain on what exactly to say and how to say it
For me the main things I use to begin the process of having a must needed conversation are: 

Tip #1:
Write it out:
Research studies have shown that people have conversations in the form of their writing. What better way to see how you come across to someone else than by writing down what you have to say and how you have to say it down on a piece of paper. Wait about 15-20 minutes and go do something else. Come back and re read what you have to say and see if what you wanted to say comes out the way you wanted to. The beauty of this tip is that if you don't, then you just can fix it the way you want to.

Rehearse and Practice: 
Think of this technique as the saying goes "Practice makes perfect" I tend to have my patients role-pay the conversation with me and I pretend on having the conversation with them in two scenarios.

One scenario: Being the best possible response and them visualizing that everything went just exactly the way they wanted it.

The second scenario is the worst response and having all those fears and worries out in the open to the reality of the situation.

In most situations: The conversation usually tends to be somewhere in the middle and in the end all that practice helped them ease those nerves and fears out of the way. Well for the most part.

and Lastly...

Do Something: There is this saying that I always recite: "The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results" So my last tip is to do something that moves forward to at least having some type of conversation with that person, whatever it is that you choose to do whether it be good or bad will help you learn from the situation and move forward.

What do you think is the hardest part of having a difficult conversation with someone?  Has there ever been a situation where you wanted to have an in depth conversation with someone and just help back, what happened to that relationship when you didn't say anything.

Comment below and let me know!

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