Thursday, March 24, 2016

The Power of Sacrifice

The Power of Sacrifice
I don’t know if it is because Easter is just around the corner. But I have lately been thinking about the meaning of sacrifice. I look online and I find that it means.

·      A sacrifice is a loss or something you give up, usually for the sake of a better cause. Parents sacrifice time and sleep to take care of their children, while kids might sacrifice TV time to hang out with mom and dad.

When I drop off my child at school, I notice all the parents or family members dropping off their loved ones and wishing them a good day with a hug or a kiss or a pat. I see that no matter the difference in values or opinions one may have. Each one has one thing in common. They sacrifice themselves for the better cause of their children. Some parents may sacrifice in their looks by showing up without make-up just to make it on time to drop off their child to school. Well at least I do J. 
            Sacrifice is what makes whatever you believe in worthwhile and living for. That is what helps shape meaning and purpose to someone’s existence. After all if there was no sacrifice then what feelings would there be left with.
            So I guess I tell myself, that by having my children, I have sacrificed my leisure time, physical appearance, money and so much more. But in the end it has made my values of responsibility, respect, and family have meaning and purpose.

So think back to what you have sacrificed and on how that has shaped your values of what you believe in and on how that has brought purpose to what you do.

What do you think? Has that helped you in any way?

Online Counseling:
Positive Awakenings Counseling Center

Anita Sandoval MA, LPC-S

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

How I learned to be Humble and Serve Others at the Same Time

How I learned to be Humble and Serve Others at the Same Time

While I went for a jog yesterday, I was doing my usual bit of learning  by listening to an audiobook by Dave Ramsey “Entreleadership, when there was a part where he mentioned the conflict of being a good marketer and being humble.  I then thought to myself, well bragging about myself or business to advertise about it would be the opposite of humbleness then how will my business thrive.
            After some more jogging and allowing myself tolisten to Mr. Ramsey talk on how to do the two I then understood. Marketing is where I can promote my products or services not to brag about myself but to help serve the community for the greater good. In order to serve people and help them find their own sense of peace and happiness, they would need information on how to do so. Then it would be in their best interest to have them be aware of the products and services that are available to help people reach their best potential no matter the circumstances.
            Sometimes I just have to literally look at the definition of each word and visualize it into my behaviors to see the end result of what I am doing and how I am sending the message across to others. I will be the first to tell you that I am fallible and don’t know everything. However, one thing I try to do is research, learn, and consult so that I can better assist the people who come to me with a problem.

An admirable quality that not many people possess. It means that a person may have accomplished alot, or be alot but doesn't feel it is necessary to advertise or brag about it.

the action or business of promoting and selling products or services, including market research and advertising.



Monday, March 21, 2016

Frustration Vs. Impatience

Frustration Vs. Impatience

 Young Man Holding Head In Hand Stock Photo
Does it every happen where you work and focus and try your best and the results just doesn’t seem to match those efforts. It’s kind of like a diet, where you eat healthy and exercise and when you look at those numbers on the scale, well those numbers just doesn’t make sense. The feelings of FRUSTRATION kick in for me!

I type in frustration on Google and this is what I get: the prevention of the progress, success, or fulfillment of something.

Yep, sounds about right to me. It’s easy to get caught up on these moments, but what makes it difficult is when people, stay in those negative feelings too much and allow it to define them. I wasn’t about to allow my feelings to overcome my thoughts, and that is when I then realized. I guess the true feeling underneath the frustrations was that I am learning on how to be patient.          

I then typed in impatience on Google and this is what I got: not patient; not accepting delay, opposition, pain, etc., with calm or patience.

Yes, that sounded better. I just have not mastered the art of being patient. In a noisy type of society where everything is convenient, fast-paced and gotta have it now. It’s hard to develop the skill of patience.

Nonetheless, I breathe, go back to my goals, strategies, and analyze the way I have been executing them and then evaluate its results with a skill of patience in mind. I am aware that if I include time and patience in those latter components, everything will fall into place. 


Online Counseling:
Positive Awakenings Counseling Center

Anita Sandoval MA, LPC-S

Thursday, March 17, 2016

An Eye For An Eye! OR Being the Bigger Person!

Throughout my years I have encountered many positive people in my life and I am grateful for them. However I have also encountered the not so great people. It is through them that I have also become a greater person. 

I must admit that in the earlier years when I was belittled, put down, judged, victimized, and bullied, I would be told by people to ignore it and be the bigger person.  I would tell them “What! That doesn’t make sense! How can I be the bigger better person when I allowed my rights to be violated!” and then I would take it out back to that person who was disrespectful to me in different passive ways.  Sort of the whole eye for an eye ordeal. They were mean to me, so I would ignore them, I would not talk to them. I would be hostile or give an attitude, to make it known that if  he/she was rude then I would be just as well and give it back to them just  the same.

The meaning of the principle Eye for an Eye is that a person who has been injured by another person returns the offending action to the originator in compensation, or that an authority does so on behalf of the injured person.
Mathew 5:38, Exodus 21:24

After some time I realized nothing good came out of it and it was just a vicious cycle of hurt and whether it was me one time and then the other person the next, it was always never ending! I also became aware that taking out all blame, excuses, justification and looking at the behavior itself  "An Eye For An Eye" as people would call it! I was being just like them! So I didn't want that anymore! I wanted to be me and not like them!
Then I realized the Golden Rule, Treat others on how you want to be treated. Also of course several books later on boundaries and emotional management and effective communication skills I realized that being the bigger better person was a concept I had misunderstood. Being the bigger better person was not ignoring or allowing your rights to be validated, but rather speaking up to your rights in a way that was respectful not only to you but also to others. It also meant that I couldn’t change people and that they can be who they want to be, that is fine I accept it. But that also means I don’t have to tolerate them. So now for me being the bigger person was when I was being bullying I would right then and there call out the behavior and make it known I didn’t like it and that was my opinion and needed to be respected and if it wasn’t then I would choose another place to be and not go back to a place that wasn’t respectful towards my beliefs and opinions.
            Basically I would be around people who would treat me that way I would treat others and that means that if I didn’t like the person, which by the way I am human and there are people that have different values and opinions from which I don’t agree with! That just means that I respect them for who they are and therefore, I just say hi, and bye, and nice to meet you but they remain respected and outside of my close boundaries due to the difference of values and opinions.  It’s hard to speak out and be assertive; I work with it as a daily basis. But I realized that I would actually be hurting myself more and others by being passive.

"Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets. Mathew 7:12

Do you find it difficult to be respectful or nice to someone that you don’t like?

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Life Is Hard!! How do people Deal with it!

            Some people come to the realization that life is just so hard. Then I realized within my own family that it doesn’t matter if you are two years old, 12 years old, or 22 years old. Life is just hard all around. I often question myself though, why is it that whenever I have someone tell me their problems and I attempt to help them find solutions, they get all defensive. Then I see in front of me, the person with the power to change it all and make life just that much easier , if only… only if only.. they would be accepting.  I tend to feel frustrated, hopeful, and dismayed all at the same time. 

         In order to deal with conflict and problems in life, Freud stated that the ego employs a range of defense mechanisms.  Defense mechanisms operate at an unconscious level and help ward off unpleasant feelings (i.e. anxiety) or make good things feel better for the individual.

defense mechanisms
I had to go back and research and remember on why people tend to use defense mechanisms in a time where people would benefit best using that serenity prayer”

Then I realize that due to their own way of handling their problems and dealing with the reality that yes, life is hard, it is just that they are not yet ready to unconsciously accept and change. Which is why I always tell people. “Counseling is not for the people who need it, rather it is for the people who want it.” 

Has it every happened to you where you know that someone you care about is not willing to accept that they are the problem and the solution. How has that made you feel about it. 



Positive Awakenings Counseling Center

Sunday, March 13, 2016


              A couple of weeks ago, I was at a friend’s gathering and a teacher told me that her principal would not give rewards to her students because the students needed to learn on how to be motivated intrinsically because it was the right thing to do.
As a counselor I immediately reacted and discussed on how children are not aware of intrinsic reward until much later in life because their development is that of a child and it begins with extrinsically motivating them and then it develops into intrinsic motivation.
I remembered the theorist Lawrence Kohlberg in the theory of Moral Development and in the stages where people get to doing on what is right. I then wanted to look up to see if  it was possible for children to learn to do the right thing just because and was external rewards really needed. Well after some research this is what I found:

  • Extrinsic motivators are best applied in situations where people have little initial interest in performing the activity or in cases where basic skills are lacking, but these rewards should be kept small and should be tied directly to the performance of a specific behavior. Once some intrinsic interest has been generated and some essential skills have been established, the external motivators should be slowly phased out.

Examples of behaviors that are the result of extrinsic motivation include:
  • Studying because you want to get a good grade
  • Cleaning your room to avoid being reprimanded by your parents
  • Participating in a sport to win awards
  • Competing in a contest to win a scholarship
In each of these examples, the behavior is motivated by a desire to gain a reward or avoid an adverse outcome.
Intrinsic motivation involves engaging in behavior because it is personally rewarding; essentially, performing an activity for its own sake rather than the desire for some external reward.

Examples of actions that are the result of intrinsic motivation include:
  • Participating in a sport because you find the activity enjoyable
  • Solving a word puzzle because you find the challenge fun and exciting
  • Playing a game because you find it exciting
In each of these instances, the person's behavior is motivated by an internal desire to participate in an activity for its own sake.
Extrinsic motivation can be beneficial in some situations, however:
  • External rewards can induce interest and participation in something in which the individual had no initial interest.
  • Extrinsic rewards can be used to motivate people to acquire new skills or knowledge. Once these early skills have been learned, people may then become more intrinsically motivated to pursue the activity.
  • External rewards can also be a source of feedback, allowing people to know when their performance has achieved a standard deserving of reinforcement.
Extrinsic motivators should be avoided in situations where:
  • The individual already finds the activity intrinsically rewarding
  • Offering a reward might make a "play" activity seem more like "work"
when used appropriately, extrinsic motivators can be a useful tool. For example, extrinsic motivation can be used to get people to complete a work task or school assignment in which they have no internal interest.

"A person's interest often survives when a reward is used neither to bribe nor to control but to signal a job well done,
  1. Unexpected external rewards typically do not decrease intrinsic motivation. For example, if you get a good grade on a test because you enjoy learning about the subject and the teacher decides to reward you with a gift card to your favorite pizza place, your underlying motivation for learning about the subject will not be affected. However, this needs to be done with caution because people will sometimes come to expect such rewards.
  2. Praise can help increase internal motivation. Researchers have found that offering positive praise and feedback when people do something better in comparison to others can improve intrinsic motivation.
  3. Intrinsic motivation will decrease, however, when external rewards are given for completing a particular task or only doing minimal work. For example, if parents heap lavish praise on their child every time he completes a simple task, he will become less intrinsically motivated to perform that task in the future.
So conclusion, what I learned is that kids and adults can have some intrinsic motivation, however to get kids and adults to do something they don’t want to do you have to:
1.    Use external rewards until that behaviors becomes intrinsic. Basically you given them something they want for doing something they did not like to do so many times until they start enjoying that unlikeable task. Then no more rewards.
2.    Praising such as way to go in doing…, great job in doing… keep up the good work in … I believe in you in doing… will help in having them do something that they don’t like to do.
3.    And Don’t reward something they already like doing because then they will not like doing it anymore. 

Do you think people should be given rewards to get them to do something or it is something that should be learned without the need of any reward or positive praise?

Anita Sandoval MA, LPC-S

 Broken Chains Blog: