Hi, my name is Anita Sandoval MA,LPC. I am a Licensed
Professional Counselor.
My job is to help
people come up with techniques, skills, strategies, to implement and move
forward to a healthier environment. It is up to you to be responsible and do
what is necessary to create your own healthy environment, and I am ready to
help you do so.
Today's Topic Domestic Violence
According to the website
http://www.safehorizon.org/index.php
What is Domestic Violence?
- Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior used to establish power
and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often
including the threat or use of violence.
- Other terms for domestic violence include intimate partner violence,
battering, relationship abuse, spousal abuse, or family violence.
- 1 in 7 men will experience domestic violence at some point in his life.
- Domestic Violence affects 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men.
Domestic Violence in America: General Statistics and Facts
- Women ages 18 to 34 are at greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.
- More than 4 million women experience physical assault and rape by their partners.
- In 2 out of 3 female homicide cases, females are killed by a family member or intimate partner.
What are the Effects of Domestic Violence on Mental Health?
- Domestic violence victims face high rates of depression, sleep disturbances, anxiety, flashbacks, and other emotional distress.
- Domestic violence contributes to poor health for many survivors
including chronic conditions such as heart disease or gastrointestinal
disorders.
- Most women brought to emergency rooms due to domestic violence were
socially isolated and had few social and financial resources.
It is important to become aware of the facts and then help yourself or someone you know who is in need. I have many patients that come to my office justifying, excusing, blaming, minimizing the domestic violence. There is no excuse for abuse and as you have read everyone gets affected and then the cycle begins. The question to ask is when will it end! When will someone finally say enough!
I know one of the common irrational beliefs is that children need both parents and that divorce or separation will affect them. In reading the statistics above, logically ask yourself are the effects of the children's future mental health well being and success in life being at risk worth having both parents if it involves one with domestic violence.
Some of the Signs of Domestic Violence are:
Does your partner ever:
- Accuse you of cheating and being disloyal?
- Make you feel worthless?
- Hurt you by hitting, choking or kicking you?
- Intimidate and threaten to hurt you or someone you love?
- Threaten to hurt themselves if they don’t get what they want?
- Try to control what you do and who you see?
- Isolate you?
- Pressure or force you into unwanted sex?
- Control your access to money?
- Stalk you, including calling you constantly or following you?
Get Help:
You are not alone:
Here are some stories of victims from domestic violence.
Michael's Story: When a Child Witnesses Domestic Violence
“Mommy’s boyfriend hurts her...”
Five-year-old Michael said these words to his teachers during his first week at school.
His teachers were startled. Usually, they listened to students talk
about summer vacation – not hear a student tell them that his mother’s
life was in danger. They contacted Michael’s mother, Daphne, to report
what her son had said.
They discovered Michael was right. His teachers put Daphne in touch
with Safe Horizon, and a day later, Daphne showed up at our offices,
anxious yet hopeful.
As Daphne told us about her life, she told us she was shocked to hear
that Michael knew what was happening to her. For two years, her
boyfriend had routinely beaten and raped her, yet she never called
police. She described a harrowing relationship in which her boyfriend
was not afraid to punch and kick her in front of his friends, and he
would often force her to have sex with them. Daphne told us that once,
during a brutal rape, she screamed so loudly that neighbors called the
police. Her boyfriend left before the police came. When they asked her
what happened, she lied and told them that she and her boyfriend were
just arguing.
In spite of such horrific behavior, Daphne’s boyfriend was careful
never to attack her in front of her child. Still, he often threatened to
hurt Michael if she ever told anyone about the abuse. Daphne was
terrified of what he might do to her son, so she stayed silent and
suffered.
It may surprise you to know that children do recognize domestic
violence and abuse when they see it. In homes where domestic violence
takes place, between 80 to 90 percent of children in those homes not
only know about the abuse, but can describe it in detail.
Children will also often try to stop violence when they see it
happening to a parent - and the consequences to children can be tragic.
Yet like Michael, they cannot just watch their parent get hurt. Michael
decided to be brave and tell his teachers about it instead.
The compassion and concern of our supporters makes it possible for us
to have community programs where Daphne could come and find someone to
tell about the abuse. For families affected by violence, we can provide a
lot more than a listening ear. For Daphne, we would help her and
Michael find the tools they needed to get out of a violent, dangerous
situation.
Daphne told us that she wanted to leave her boyfriend, take Michael
away, and return to her hometown. Daphne was able to come to our offices
because her boyfriend was in jail for drunk driving and driving with a
suspended license. She did not, however, want to report the violence or
the rape that he and his friends committed. She just wanted to escape.
We helped Daphne get a medical examination, helped her get counseling, and worked with her to manage her situation.
Daphne told us she had been trying for two years to contact Michael’s
grandparents without success. We helped her finally reach them. When we
did, we learned that they had been desperately trying to reach Daphne,
too ... but Daphne's boyfriend intercepted their calls and so they could
never talk to her. They told Daphne they would take her and Michael in,
if she would just return to them.
Finally, Daphne had a chance to escape and to be with people who
cared about her. Our staff worked hard with organizations in her
hometown to provide her with the financial and material assistance she
would need to relocate. We also found emergency transportation funds to
help Daphne and Michael travel to Michael’s grandparents.
A week after Daphne and Michael left, she called us. She told us that
she and Michael were safe and they were happy, and most of all, they
were grateful for what Safe Horizon did for them.
Daphne and Michael found the chance they needed to escape violence
and abuse because Michael spoke up. Thanks to his young voice, he and
his mother can now live their lives with brighter, safer futures.
At the end of the day you only have one life and isn't it about time you live it the best and by being happy!
I would love to hear from you, your thoughts and stories.
If
you have any concerns, questions or would like for me to discuss a certain
issue in the blog, I will be more than happy to discuss it with you. You can email me at
Twitter:
anitasandoval@pacctx
Facebook:
Positive Awakenings Counseling Center
