Monday, February 26, 2018

Conversations Vs. Communication

Conversations Vs. Communication 

Conversations are for Winning and Communication is to Emotionally Connect with someone. So ask yourself before having a talk with someone. Do I want to win at the subject of the conversation or do I want to get to know and have a healthy relationship with someone. If you want to bond with someone or get them to like or get to know you. Then it is time to learn on how to communicate with them. 

Challenge of the Week: Ask yourself " Do I want to Win" Or "Do I want to Connect with someone" Then decide whether you want to have a conversation or communicate with the person you want to talk to.

Photo by Cole Hutson on Unsplash

Friday, February 16, 2018

How Can I Say No Without Being A Jerk

  •  Can't they see I just want them to respect my decision.

  •  Why do I feel guilty? 

  •  Why are they being a Jerk about everything.


It starts with: one day when a friend asks  for a favor. He says that he wants you to do something for them. You want to say NO, but then you begin to feel guilty and say Yes instead. Then when you do the favor, it comes out bad because you start resenting the other person for having you do something that you did not want to do in the first place. But then imagine, if you would have said NO, they would then talk about you saying how you did not want to help out and make you out to look like you are the Jerk in the whole situation. 

So the real question to ask yourself is: How can I say NO without being a Jerk!

Sometimes it feels that when you want to stand up to what you feel is the correct thing to do, people will misinterpret that as you being a Jerk.

Below are some things you can ask yourself to alleviate feeling like a Jerk when in fact you just want some SELF-RESPECT.

  • Who's Opinion Matters- This is where you ask yourself. Who's Opinion Matters? Remember that everyone carries their thoughts over any matter. They will tell you what they think along with others may think. Soon after you will forgot about what your own thoughts are. So remind yourself "My opinion is the most important thoughts that matter"


  • Can I Have My Cake and Eat it Too- There is no way out of where you can feel good and then make the other person feel good about your own needs to be respected. You can't have it both ways. One way or another there will be some negative emotions. However, you need to ask yourself, in which one would I be feeling worse.


  • If I Make Everyone Happy, I Will Be Happy- Imagine a world where you can make everyone happy and given everyone whatever they wanted. Then ask yourself would they then give you what you wanted or ask for more things for you to do to keep making themselves happy. Remind yourself that making other people happy is not your responsibility. The only person you are responsible for in making Happy is yourself. So let's start give it a try and start there. 


Challenge for the Weekend: Whenever someone attempts to have you do something you don't want to do, ask yourself one of these questions. Then comment below on what happened afterwards. How were you feeling, what were you thinking, and eventually what did you do.


Positive Awakenings Counseling Center

Photo by on Unsplash

Monday, February 12, 2018

5 different ways to have conversations when people are being so MEAN....

We all encounter that person that right away you tell yourself, "Why do they have to be so Mean!" They are the type of people that could care less of your opinions and have disregard for your things and at times really has you biting your tongue to not tell them something you might regret later.

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We start talking to ourselves or venting with other friends on how mean those people are and on how you would like to talk to someone to make things better for yourself. At times like these, it is good to have a strategy or guide to know how to have a conversation with someone when they are being so mean to you.

I have gathered different ideas and decided to share it with you when you're just not in the mood to put up with these type of people anymore.

1.) Comment with humor- I remember when I was having a conversation with a friend and her husband. Her husband was being very pessimistic on a topic and kept getting louder and rude. His wife then jokingly stated, are you ok, did you forget to take your coffee. How can I help you feel better. Soon after I noticed the tension ease up and we moved on to the next subject.

2.) As a matter of fact type of behavior- Now this behavior is in between ignoring and selective attention. This is where you ignore what rude thing is said and pay attention to what the focus and goal is important.

3.) Be direct on their behaviors in front of you- Here you can just tell them what they are specifically doing and on how that is not going to get to the goal. For example; A person yelling at you to do something. You can just tell them, " "Yelling at me is not going to help in me getting you what you want." If you want me to do what you say I expect you to tell me in a respectful tone of voice.

4.) Selective Attention-This one is one of my favorites. I tend to do this in movies as well. Whenever I see movies where I don't like the ending I tend to only see the good part and turn off the rest. Selective attention is the same, pay attention only to the part that matters. Take the negativity out like trash and toss it away.

5.) Walk Away-  Sometimes its just best when things are emotionally heated to just walk away. Things never work out when it is said at the heat of the moment.

What you must remember about having conversations with people who are being mean is that most of the time it is not personal. It has to do with them not you. Don't take it personal. They are going through something that they are not able to deal with and often at times, it spills over to other people.
Last strategy you can possibly do is: If you figure out what is going on in their world and not see it as a personal attack on you, it will help the conversations you need to have with these type of people better.

Challenge of the Week: While you are having a conversation with someone, just for a couple of minutes disregard any personal feelings from the conversation and attempt to do one of the strategies given and let me know on how it went.