Friday, December 11, 2015

How to Be Understood and Communicate and Not Talk.

Hi, my name is Anita Sandoval MA, LPC-S and I am a Licensed Professional Counselor.

My belief is to help those with less privileged and unhealthy backgrounds, remove some obstacles for them so that, then, they too will have an opportunity to be more productive and lift themselves up to achieve their greatest potential and live life successfully.

What I do is Create the following:

A- Awareness on what is healthy and unhealthy relationships
C- Changes in behaviors to be consistent with your values and replace the ones that is not.
E -Emotional Intelligence- How to manage your emotions effectively that includes
     communication,coping, and problem solving skills

My Core Values Are:
· Responsibility
· Respect
· Family
· Education

 Today's Topic is on how to communicate with someone in a way that you can be understood.

Like many others I was never learned or was taught on how I could communicate my point across to people in a way that they could understand what I believed in.

Yes, I learned to talk and the words would come out but the point I wanted to make was just not getting through. For the most part that would leave me with feelings of frustration correlated soon after with anger.

Within the years I realized the difference between talking and communicating. Talking was when superficial comments or "Good day" type of conversation would happen. Communication however was when I could share my opinion, values, or beliefs in a way that others could understand. The latter is what I wanted

Over the years with practice, trial and error I was able to develop a strategy on how I could go about and communicate to people. Again, there are alot of factors that help or hurt communication but as with anything all you can do is your part and implement the communication as best as you can.

Effective Communication Formula:

Mention the specific behavior- what you can actually see with your eyes. 

Tell them how you feel with that behavior- (anger is a secondary feeling therefore pick one of the first ones that go along with anger, ex: disrespect, embarrassed, hurt, ignored)

Tell them why you feel it is important to bring it up and what you want ( This has to do with your opinion, value, belief of the issue and the relationship with that person, do you want a closer relationship, respectful one this is the what you want between the both of you)

Tell them what you are going to do to achieve that goal or get what you want. ( Reminder: you cannot change anyone or control anyone but yourself! So mention only what you will do, example: communicate with you more my problems, opinions, or just not hang out with you as much)

Let Me Use The Formula In An Example:
Example Story: Jose keeps picking up Juan late and then they both keep arriving late for work. 
Juan: Jose I have noticed that you have been picking me up 20 minutes later than we had discussed and therefore we keep arriving late to work ( Specific Behavior mentioned)
Juan: Whenever you pick me up late I get to work late and then I feel frustrated and annoyed.(Stated his Feelings)
Juan: In my opinion arriving on time to work is something important to me as well as your friendship. I want us to have a good friendship where we can respect each others values and mine is arriving to work on time.( Specific value mentioned and what type of relationship he wants with his friend.)
Juan: If you are not able to pick me up on time in the future I will take another means of transportation. 

Has it ever happened that you had good intentions of communicating with someone your point of view and it went horribly wrong? Please let me know in the comment below!

Of course you guys put in your own words what you want to say and how you say it to make it your own. Let me know if you have tried it and its results. Also if you have any questions about anything else or would like to comment on another subject please let me know. 



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Positive Awakenings Counseling Center
Broken Chains Blog:


1 comment:

  1. I remember using this formula in the beginning and then now months and years after I have improved and I am able to finally get my point across and it feels relieved to be able to have people understand my point of view.