Friday, February 16, 2018

How Can I Say No Without Being A Jerk

  •  Can't they see I just want them to respect my decision.

  •  Why do I feel guilty? 

  •  Why are they being a Jerk about everything.


It starts with: one day when a friend asks  for a favor. He says that he wants you to do something for them. You want to say NO, but then you begin to feel guilty and say Yes instead. Then when you do the favor, it comes out bad because you start resenting the other person for having you do something that you did not want to do in the first place. But then imagine, if you would have said NO, they would then talk about you saying how you did not want to help out and make you out to look like you are the Jerk in the whole situation. 

So the real question to ask yourself is: How can I say NO without being a Jerk!

Sometimes it feels that when you want to stand up to what you feel is the correct thing to do, people will misinterpret that as you being a Jerk.

Below are some things you can ask yourself to alleviate feeling like a Jerk when in fact you just want some SELF-RESPECT.

  • Who's Opinion Matters- This is where you ask yourself. Who's Opinion Matters? Remember that everyone carries their thoughts over any matter. They will tell you what they think along with others may think. Soon after you will forgot about what your own thoughts are. So remind yourself "My opinion is the most important thoughts that matter"


  • Can I Have My Cake and Eat it Too- There is no way out of where you can feel good and then make the other person feel good about your own needs to be respected. You can't have it both ways. One way or another there will be some negative emotions. However, you need to ask yourself, in which one would I be feeling worse.


  • If I Make Everyone Happy, I Will Be Happy- Imagine a world where you can make everyone happy and given everyone whatever they wanted. Then ask yourself would they then give you what you wanted or ask for more things for you to do to keep making themselves happy. Remind yourself that making other people happy is not your responsibility. The only person you are responsible for in making Happy is yourself. So let's start give it a try and start there. 


Challenge for the Weekend: Whenever someone attempts to have you do something you don't want to do, ask yourself one of these questions. Then comment below on what happened afterwards. How were you feeling, what were you thinking, and eventually what did you do.


Positive Awakenings Counseling Center

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