Monday, February 12, 2018

5 different ways to have conversations when people are being so MEAN....

We all encounter that person that right away you tell yourself, "Why do they have to be so Mean!" They are the type of people that could care less of your opinions and have disregard for your things and at times really has you biting your tongue to not tell them something you might regret later.

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We start talking to ourselves or venting with other friends on how mean those people are and on how you would like to talk to someone to make things better for yourself. At times like these, it is good to have a strategy or guide to know how to have a conversation with someone when they are being so mean to you.

I have gathered different ideas and decided to share it with you when you're just not in the mood to put up with these type of people anymore.

1.) Comment with humor- I remember when I was having a conversation with a friend and her husband. Her husband was being very pessimistic on a topic and kept getting louder and rude. His wife then jokingly stated, are you ok, did you forget to take your coffee. How can I help you feel better. Soon after I noticed the tension ease up and we moved on to the next subject.

2.) As a matter of fact type of behavior- Now this behavior is in between ignoring and selective attention. This is where you ignore what rude thing is said and pay attention to what the focus and goal is important.

3.) Be direct on their behaviors in front of you- Here you can just tell them what they are specifically doing and on how that is not going to get to the goal. For example; A person yelling at you to do something. You can just tell them, " "Yelling at me is not going to help in me getting you what you want." If you want me to do what you say I expect you to tell me in a respectful tone of voice.

4.) Selective Attention-This one is one of my favorites. I tend to do this in movies as well. Whenever I see movies where I don't like the ending I tend to only see the good part and turn off the rest. Selective attention is the same, pay attention only to the part that matters. Take the negativity out like trash and toss it away.

5.) Walk Away-  Sometimes its just best when things are emotionally heated to just walk away. Things never work out when it is said at the heat of the moment.

What you must remember about having conversations with people who are being mean is that most of the time it is not personal. It has to do with them not you. Don't take it personal. They are going through something that they are not able to deal with and often at times, it spills over to other people.
Last strategy you can possibly do is: If you figure out what is going on in their world and not see it as a personal attack on you, it will help the conversations you need to have with these type of people better.

Challenge of the Week: While you are having a conversation with someone, just for a couple of minutes disregard any personal feelings from the conversation and attempt to do one of the strategies given and let me know on how it went.

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